The Tragedy of Jamesius
by Snowshoe koneko
Summary: A play of the ancient greek olympics... AU, first time post, OOC


DISCLAMER OF DOOM AND FLUFFY DONUGHTS:

SK:Er… well no real doom, but I don't own- smacked by a rock  
James: WHO THE HELLO KITTY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?  
SK: blinks Anyway, I don't own anything of Harry Potter….. Yes?  
James: glaring You made me into a boastful, arrogant, jerk!  
SK: ….. turns back to readers I only own the plot and- smacked by a tin can What?  
James: You're ignoring me! You made me into a-  
SK: Well you are! Even Lily thought so!  
Lily: nods  
James: sulks  
SK: ….wow…. he's quiet….  
Lily: Enjoy it while it lasts. smile  
SK: Well anyway, I've given the obligatory disclaimer so on with the bad writing! Oh, and thanks to all who read! gives Pocky and cookies

WARNING: Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

Beware of possible OOC, AU, bad writing, FTP (first time post), and play formatting.

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Scene 1:

ENTER: JAMESIUS and SEVERUS, a training room

JAMESIUS: relaxing and lifting weights and showing off his 'guns' in an arrogant manner Look at these babies Sev! I don't even have to try and Remus and Tonkikus are bigger than your-

SEVERUS: stretching I get it JAMESIUS! Gods just leave me be, (mumbled) stupidius ex maximus…

JAMESIUS: What was that?

SEVERUS: Nothing, o great one. Is it normal for them to….

JAMESIUS: Oh yeah… I was wondering about that too….

Awkward silence

JAMESIUS: So you hear about the Olympics this year?

SEVERUS: (rolls eyes) No I haven't. JAMESIUS begins to explain It's sarcasm JAMESIUS!

JAMESIUS: Oh… Well, what do you think?

SEVERUS: I'd not mind becoming immortal, (mumbles) then I could finally drop you into the Styx…

JAMESIUS: What was that again?

SEVERUS: Then I could drop you into the river Styx.

JAMESIUS: Are you serious?

SEVERUS: No, Sirius is stupid.

JAMESIUS: Oh yeah…, so sorry you won't be immortal though….

SEVERUS: And why is that?

JAMESIUS: I'll be competing!

SEVERUS: stares And your point is?...

JAMESIUS: Why being a demigod and son of the great son of JK Rowlingicus, I have superior abilities to you regular mortals.

SEVERUS: You know what, you ARE amazing! You're Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse!

JAMESIUS: (flattered) Why thank you Sevs! Hey, are you going to compete for Athens?

SEVERUS: Yes… why do you ask?

JAMESIUS: Well I figure, in the bizarre case that I loose… you would win!

SEVERUS: You must be a 3 time Darwin award winner.

JAMESIUS: Sev, stop it! You're embarrassing me! Now I propose a bet! If I win, which I must say is extremely likely, you'll commission an epic poem of my greatness! And If I loose, then….. I'll do you any favor you want!

SEVERUS: aside Wait! Anything? I think I hear a funeral march coming on/ (smirking) You've got yourself a deal!

They shake hands and exit, while the CHORUS enters

CHORUS: The time has passed and training gone. The games started and Gods have come. Come to see great Jamesius win, every medal lies in his bin. But though cheer is present a dark mist rises and Severus is joined by a group of jealous losers.

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Scene 2:

ENTER SEVERUS and 2 COMPETITORS

SEVERUS: So we change them and when he drinks-

Competitor 1: But Severus, should we really poi-

SEVERUS: Quiet fool! Do you want to be excoriated!

Competitor 2: If you're too cowardly to go through with this, then leave and speak none of what has transpired!

SEVERUS: Or you will be having a private meeting with Lucius…

COMPETITOR 1 EXITS and SEVERUS and LUCIUS continue plotting; JAMESIUS ENTERS

JAMESIUS: Well what have we here? A surprise party for the reigning champion?

SEVERUS: Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?

JAMESIUS: (considers) Why, yes! Yes I do, but how did you know that Sevie?

SEVERUS: Oh just a feeling… and I thought I heard wind-instruments as you entered…

JAMESIUS: (awkward) Oh! Uh… sorry Sevs, but I don't really float that canal….

SEVERUS: (rolls eyes)

LUCIUS: Actually Jamesius, we were thinking about a celebration for the upcoming discus throw… We're gonna go to the Dionysus Pub and have a little 'fun' if you get our drift…

JAMESIUS: Oh really now?

SEVERUS: I hear that Peterus has been making a bit of racket lately…

LUCIUS: Racket about you.

JAMESIUS: What's that rat saying?

LUCIUS: Oh nothing true…

SEVERUS: Just that you can't beat him in a little drinking contest.

LUCIUS: Can't hold your wine better than him…

SEVERUS: Childish really.

JAMESIUS: (arrogantly) REALLY, eh! Well you tell 'im that I'll be waiting with a full purse to bet on my winning his little challenge! If the rodent's man enough!

JAMESIUS EXITS

LUCIUS: Now to trick the rat.

SEVERUS: That won't be too taxing. Come let's go and retrieve our 'spice.'

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CHORUS:

Scene 3:

ENTER PETERUS, JAMESIUS, SEVERUS, and LUCIUS, at the Dionysus Pub

(PETERUS and LUCIUS are arguing stage front-right; JAMESIUS and SEVERUS are sitting at a table stage Center-left)

LUCIUS: Come-on Peterus, you out-drink Jamesius and everyone will know you. Not only that but you'll get that fat purse as well.

PETERUS: I-I'm not so sure Lucius, I mean-

LUCIUS: Look, he's not gonna expect any money from you and the wine's paid for. It's a win-win situation. You win, you've out-drunk the 'Great' Jamesius. You loose you have to 'listen' to him brag for a few hours. Either way you get free drinks.

PETERUS: Hmm… Well when you put it that way.

LUCIUS: Excellent! Step this way my friend.

(PETERUS and LUCIUS join SEVERUS and JAMESIUS; SEVERUS leaves and returns with pitchers of wine –SEVERUS and LUCIUS exchange a secret nod/look)

JAMESIUS: (smirks) Shall we?

PETERUS: (nods)

(The two drink and LUCIUS picks up a TIME SIGN to show how long, SEVERUS picks up a DRINK SIGN at the last time sign.)

PETERUS passes out and LUCIUS drags him off, JAMESIUS is drunk as a skunk and SEVERUS kicks him off-stage.

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CHORUS ENTER

(As CHORUS gets toward the end make some noise)

CHORUS: (stare oddly at the departing people/snicker) Wine contest are fun and cheer, in the future none is here. Poison in the wine does lie; Peterus and Jamesius will later die. Peterus quicker for plain mortal is he. Jamesius in the next 24 hours will be, deader than doornails, kicking the bucket, enough for now stage hands stop making that racket!

Scene 4:

(1 CHORUS remains on stage; someone plays the moving scenery; SEVERUS, PETERUS, and JAMESIUS run a race)

CHORUS: There goes Jamesius looking slightly weary but soon to have a sandal contract, followed by Severus hoping he'll die and never come back. Here trots the tight string, ready to be cut. Yep look at him stumble, his time is up.

(JAMESIUS EXITS when his line is done; SEVERUS EXITS when his is done too; PETERUS stumbles offstage and a loud thud is heard as he dies)

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(Set up finish line)

CHORUS: The end is here! Not the end, but for our race. Jamesius may just win first place! Oh wait, oh woe Death is come. The poison stops him short, and he hasn't won.

(JAMESIUS dies; SEVERUS crosses and wins; HERMIONE steps up with a medal, while RONALUS crosses after)

HERMIONE: Alas, poor Jamesius has lost both life and race, but you Severus now take his place.

CHORUS: HALT, dear goddess Hermione, we apologize for our rudeness and don't mean to be whiney. The winner is false, has cheated, and killed, both Peterus and Jamesius, who lie poison filled. The Furies we suggest. Marrying Ronalus too would be best.

HERMIONE: (Sics the furies on SEVERUS; SEVERUS runs off-stage; turns and gives the crown to RONALUS)

CHORUS: Now ends the tragedy of boastful Jamesius, Death came in the end to old Severus. Hermione and Ronalus became man and wife, living forever without strife. While the prize should have been his, a fault all his own caused all this. Excessive pride is annoying; modesty is key, to have adversaries leave your health be.

OWARI ----------

SK: Thanks to all who read this! Please review, I'd like to know how well I've done…. Please?


End file.
